It’s that thing of like when
My Christmas elevator pitch
It’s that thing of like when you’re Christmas shopping, and the loudspeakers are playing There’s Always Tomorrow from the Rudolph special, which always rips your heart out, and so you wind up inconsolably sobbing on the mall Santa’s lap? I call it, EVERY YEAR AT THIS TIME.
PS, Donner was such a dick.
Yet another failed elevator pitch
It’s that thing of like when you’ve been waiting all summer for a new segment of Stefon on SNL’s Weekend Update, and you realize how pathetic that sounds for someone in their mid-forties, so you wish you’d never written about it in your latest blog post? I call it Adam.
When elevator pitches fail, try the escalator
It’s that thing of like when you’re writing on an old-fashioned typewriter, and you hit too many keys at once and they all clash together, and nothing gets typed but the carriage advances anyway? It’s like that. But in your brain.
This elevator pitch should have worked. Really.
It’s that thing of like when a girl loves a vampire, but realizes she has her whole mortal life ahead of her, so she dumps him and goes off to college alone, and the pissed-off vampire shoots the hunky werewolf?
Failed elevator pitch #17
It’s that thing of like when you sit on the sofa and the television spontaneously changes channels every few minutes, and you can’t find the remote, but it’s really under the seat cushions? That. Only, in a book.
Stefon’s delivery is much better than mine.
